Love me tender... or I'll destroy you!

I don't claim that Pif reasons like that. In fact, as an outcome of my daily training under the guidance of animal experts such as Dawkins and Pinker, I would no longer claim that Pif really "reasons" at all in our everyday human sense. But I believe that his brain functions just as perfectly, just as imperfectly, as mine. I have an immense respect for Pif's brain. And I would be delighted to think that the feeling is reciprocal. Loving Pif tender consists of stroking his belly and associated genitals while he lies stretched out on his back, like an upside-down client in a massage parlor. As for his destructive power, it consists of attacking such objects as wicker dog baskets, cotton and woolen dog blankets, etc. Extrapolating, I believe that Pif might easily destroy either an entire automobile or a rural residence if ever his lovely little mind were to decide that these human artefacts didn't love him tender, as they should. The solution to all these dire possibilities, of course, is to love Pif tender.