Bugged nightware

In a recent Dilbert strip, the pointy-haired boss says he has just invested in new network software. When Dilbert asks him how he handled the technical aspects of this situation, the boss says he was assisted by the software vendor, who provided him with a weird explanation.

My present post is strange, almost crazy, but it’s perfectly genuine and understandable. Regularly, in my early-morning nightmares over the last year (since my fall in the Gamone staircase a year ago), I find myself programming a computer and striving to remove bugs from its faulty software. If the humorist Scott Adams (creator of Dilbert) heard about my behavior, he would possibly see it as proof that we humans are participating in a gigantic theatrical play staged by superior creatures.

Personally, I have a more down-to-earth explanation. During the day, I spend time working on my computer (as I'm doing now) and trying to find logical explanations for certain complicated real-life situations and problems. So, it’s not surprising that a former software fellow like me might imagine in dreams that he’s still programming. The other night, the situation was enhanced by the fact that, before going to bed, I had watched Kubrick’s Space Odyssey movie (for the first time in years), which is frankly a sacred masterpiece for enthusiasts of artificial intelligence. Besides, I had spent time, during the day, trying to handle the reactions of my sisters to family-history puzzles. So, all the ingredients were present for a troublesome night of dreams.

The problem with nightmares of this character is that I’m terribly frustrated by the fact that, when I’m dreaming, I’m not using a real computer (as I am now) and that my imagined computing activities are totally fake. Inevitably, the absurd background of my nightware becomes obvious as soon as I wake up, as is generally the case with trivial dreams. I have no trouble in immediately getting back in contact with reality, including the presence of my authentic computer, just alongside the bed where I had been dreaming.

Two ends of the garden hose

My old garden hose has been left out in the sun and the cold for quite some time. So, I wasn't particularly astonished when it started to develop leaks at both ends. My guardian angel Martine brought her husband Denis to Gamone, to meet me and look into my garden-hose problems. The output end of the hose is a modern aluminium pistol, which has developed the fault of spraying out several voluminous leaks. Denis and I imagined that we would rapidly find a simple means of stopping these leaks... but that, surprisingly, would not be the case.

The input end of the hose is connected to a lovely old brass tap in the form of a bird, which my daughter Manya discovered long ago.

Denis rapidly replaced joints in the brass tap, which immediately worked perfectly. He checked the yellow hose itself, which appeared to be in perfect condition. The only remaining problem was the aluminium pistol, which simply offered no possibility of being opened. As Denis explained, the object had obviously been cast by a manufacturer who had done his best to make sure that the purchaser would never open it. So, Denis told me that I should purchase a new pistol device, and trash the old one. This time, I'll buy a low-cost garden-variety hose pistol.

My dog Fitzroy was excited to see Denis fiddling around with the hose, because he loves to jump around in vain attempts to clutch the spray of water between his teeth. As soon as I've purchased a new plastic pistol, I'll have to get accustomed to taking it off after using the hose, and keeping it safely in the kitchen. In that way, the pistol won't get baked by the heat, frozen by the cold, or chewed up by Fitzroy.

Olympian champion in the sport of survival

Fidel Castro in Havana
at his meeting with the French president François Hollande.
May 11, 2015 — photo from New China

In the course of his 47 years in power at the head of Cuba, terminating with his official retirement in 2008, Fidel Castro survived hundreds of conspiracies and assassination plots. If survival were an Olympic sport, 90-year-old Castro would indeed be covered in gold medals.

Six new Olympic medals for France

Friday was a good day for France at the Rio games. Here's our new score-sheet:

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We're in the 8th position, between Russia and Australia.
That's better than what I was expecting over the last week.
I persist however in not looking upon France as a "great sporting nation" ... whatever that silly expression might mean.

Extraordinary Time cover

Nothing more to be said!

We might all be synchronized robots in the Guiness book of records

Click here to see the robot show. For all I know, I might be starring there... Can anybody prove that this was or was not the case. Good robots don't know how to appreciate the distinction between facts and fallacy. I would expect that run-of-the-mill robots don't even realize that such a distinction exists. And we meaty humans are even dumber still.

Me and my car

Just over a year ago, in July 2015, I stumbled in the steep staircase at my house in Gamone and had a nasty fall, bumping my head. Doctors have told me that I could have easily killed myself. I'm convinced that the only creature who knows exactly what happened is my dear dog Fitzroy, but he has never told me. Today, in the house, Fitzroy remains constantly a yard or so away from me. Whenever I move up or down the staircase, Fitzroy accompanies me immediately. When I open the bathroom window, Fitzroy immediately places himself between me and the opening, with such determination that I once imagined incorrectly that I might have actually fallen from this window.

Since then, I've never got back to driving on the road. Theoretically, I'm still quite capable of driving. I once demonstrated this capability to my son, on the lawn of his house in Plouha. Above all, I have good eyesight and, since the accident, I've never touched a drop of alcohol.

These days, whenever I need to drive into town, I call upon my friend Martine. She's an expert driver, who looks upon my Kangoo as an excellent vehicle for picking up a fortnight's groceries. Martine has even suggested that she might assist me in getting back into action as a driver. But I'm not at all convinced that I need to do so. I'll soon be 76 years old, and the narrow roads in the vicinity of my house at Choranche are not reassuring. On the contrary, they can be dangerous. So, why bother getting back to the wheel? In spite of all my likely progress, I would be a permanent public danger.

Yesterday, my neighbor Gérard phoned to say hello. He was astounded when I told him (to explain why I haven't visited him over the last year) that I no longer drive my Kangoo. He told me, literally, that abandoning the wheel was surely the worst thing that could possibly happen in the existence of a citizen of Choranche. (To better understand his point of view, you need to be familiar with the steep and narrow winding road that leads up to Gérard's house, which is nevertheless just a few hundred yards away from Gamone.) The news that I had given was as if I had just told Gérard that I was stricken with a major health problem. And he sympathized with me, even to the extent of suddenly referring with pain to his recent personal loss of his mother and two sisters.

To drive or not to drive. That is the question. And I'm more or less convinced that the ideal answer is... Martine.

NOTE A few days ago, the local doctor in Pont-en-Royans (an intelligent Rumanian lady with whom I communicate most often in English) told me that I would recover some facial nerves that were damaged in the fall if I were speak out loud as often as possible. This is not a simple task for a solitary individual who doesn't often use the telephone. So, I've decided to read out loud (in front of my dog Fitzroy) the French-language movie script on which I've been working: Adieu, Abelone based upon The Notebook of Malte Laurids Brigge by Rainer Rilke. If I work at this task long enough, I might even end up obtaining a role in the future movie.

UPDATE: Click here for another exciting approach to restoring any damaged brain functions.

Je suis Robel

This Ethiopean swimmer at Rio is my latest hero in the Olympic world. His name is Robel Kiros Habte and his specialty is not speed. People call him Robel the Whale. This sturdy fellow makes me feel like a champion in the pool.

Possibility of recycling French Olympic coaches and Eurovision artists

I wonder whether France could donate a few of our less talented Olympic coaches to Donald Trump, to assist him in his bid to become president. Similarly, French Eurovision songwriters could compose the theme music and write the lyrics for Trump's presidential campaign.

Admirable Olympic cyclist

I'm happy to see the success at Rio of the Swiss cyclist Fabian Cancellera, who will soon be retiring. I've always been impressed by the performances and the friendly personality of "Spartacus".

Big business

Kuwait has just announced its purchase of 30 French Caracal helicopters, for a billion euros. France may be performing in a mediocre fashion at Rio, but we sure know how to produce and sell advanced military equipment.

Plans for future new bridge at Grafton

One of these days, my native town of Grafton in Australia will have a new bridge over the Clarence River. The northern area, which includes the major town of Grafton, will have the following layout:

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The southern area, which includes my childhood town of South Grafton, will have the following layout:

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Details of plans for the future bridge can be found in a website of the Roads & Maritime authority. Random remarks about Grafton's old bridge over the Clarence River can be found elsewhere in my Antipodes blog.

The vast extent to which Pound Street is to be modified will certainly change the area where we Skyvington kids grew up, in the company of local friends such as Jimmy Kemmis and Anne Fisher. It might be said that a central zone of the city of Grafton will be transformed into a highway, running alongside Market Square and the clocktower, then through Jacaranda Avenue. To my mind, the old town will find it difficult to survive such an onslaught of road traffic.

So long, Marianne

The Swedish lady Marianne Ihlen, muse of Leonard Cohen, passed away peacefully on 29 July 2016 at the age of 81.

 

Marianne and Cohen fell in love in the 1960s in Greece, and they remained friends forever. Click here for an article on her death.

 

Know that I am so close behind you that, if you stretch out your hand, I think you can reach mine. [Cohen's words to Marianne]

French Olympics infected by Eurovision complex

The French medal score at Rio is not exactly impressive. Watching the TV coverage of French achievements, I imagined a typical Eurovision evening. France, one point. A Poulidor point. A single silver medal in team swimming. A photo of the silver team is not exactly joyful.

No medals at all in fencing, judo, cycling, ball sports… Waiting for a gold miracle, maybe in pole vaulting. I fear it might be like waiting for Godot. The French are simply not a great sporting people. In exactly the same way that we're not a nation that excels in singing competitions. But we have other prize-winning talents. For example, we can be good at politics, poetry, metaphysics... and silly things like that. We can make all kinds of fine speeches, and write all kinds of fabulous books. We're good at mathematics, and science, too. We've even got around to staging top-quality revolutions. But don't ask us to be worldly, pragmatic, champion singers or sportsmen. That's simply not French.

UPDATE I forgot to mention that France is also very good at building and selling advanced military equipment such as submarines, helicopters, fighter aircraft, etc.

LAST-MINUTE NEWS: The medal situation of France improved considerably today, Tuesday. There has been a lot of talk in France for the last few days about the undeniable role of dope in the modern sporting world. Speaking of the Chinese swimmer Sun Yang, the French competitor Camille Lecourt said publicly that "his piss is violet". As I see things, the entire sporting world does indeed appear to be grimly infected by dope. The evil American Lance Armstrong set the ball rolling, and the global situation appears to have worsened enormously over the last few years. At times I wonder if we haven't reached the end of high-level sporting competitions in the nice old-fashioned clean traditions.

French villages disappearing

The French word “désertification” designates the process that leads to villages abandoned by their former residents, who have deserted their home place and moved to big towns and cities.

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This sad phenomenon is now more rampant than ever, and there's no way of stopping it.

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In France, we also use the expression “rural exodus” to designate this sad gangrene. Today, some 15,000 rural villages are dying due to this inevitable process.

Australia's bad treatment of refugees at Nauru

A French-language article in today’s Le Monde reveals that the Amnesty organization labels the attitudes of the Australian government towards refugees as “cruelle à l’extrême” (cruel to an extreme extent). Click here to access the original English-language article published by Amnesty International.

Around 1,200 men, women, and children who sought refuge in Australia and were forcibly transferred to the remote Pacific island nation of Nauru suffer severe abuse, inhumane treatment, and neglect, Human Rights Watch and Amnesty International said today.

A Senior Director for Research at Amnesty International said: “Few other countries go to such lengths to deliberately inflict suffering on people seeking safety and freedom.”

A Senior Counsel on Children’s Rights at Human Rights Watch said: “Driving adult and even child refugees to the breaking point with sustained abuse appears to be one of Australia’s aims on Nauru.”

Book by a Daesh sex slave

Click here to read a short review by Richard Dawkins of an autobiographical book by a former Daesh sex slave, who has written (of course) under a false name.

Luckiest people in the world

At times throughout my life, for moments, I too have been a lucky person... when I succeeded in clinging desperately to make-believe. I would imagine briefly that my human existence made sense. That gods and magic were real. That I would only have to search deeply for meaning and happiness, and I would surely find them, for meaning and happiness were like a tasty hamburger that I could purchase, taste and totally consume whenever I felt hungry. All I needed was good appetite.

Alas, over the last few years, I have abandoned forever all my nice old make-believe worlds. My existence has become infinitely tougher. But I've finally acquired the precious art of searching constantly for the peace and harmony that Richard Dawkins referred to as The Magic of Reality - How We Know What's Really True.

Often, when I watch TV for example, I realize that relatively few people seem to have taken this step. Religious folk, of course, are still in the starting blocks, and likely to stay there until the cows come home. Politicians and world leaders, too. Indeed most ordinary people cling to common-sense and make-believe. And they remain eternally lucky, as proud as a pope. It's in our genes. How could human apes like Dawkins and me have survived back in the days when science did not exist yet, when our ancestors needed make-believe stories to carry on existing? They needed gods and convictions just as surely as they needed food, sleep and sex. That was the lucky dawn of human existence.

New Hillary look

Click here to see Hillary, on a Melbourne wall, changing from a bikini to more modest dress. Sadly, this wasn't just a case of somebody having fun. Local authorities in this Melbourne municipality requested the update for moral reasons. Shame on you, Down Under!

Linden leaves blown mysteriously into my house

At Gamone, three big linden trees are located in front of the house, and their dead leaves form a brown carpet, appreciated by Fitzroy.

The dry leaves are light, and they're scattered by the slightest breeze. I've been intrigued to find leaves inside my house, even though I usually close the front door. I imagined that brief gusts of wind carried leaves into the kitchen whenever I opened the door. But there's another explanation...

 

Fitzroy's bushy tail works like a vacuum cleaner.