Thursday, October 8, 2009

Big feet

You may have thought, like me, that our female ancestor Ardi [display] had particularly big feet. With feet like that, if ever Ardi had got involved in kickboxing, she would have been capable of flooring and throttling her opponent, using her opposable big toes, in a single swift action. But Ardi's feet were as dainty as a fairy's alongside the huge dinosaur footprints that have just been found in France, at a place named Plagne.

Now, the aspect of this discovery that really spooks me is the fact that these big savage beasts inhabited a quite built-up region, just alongside Geneva, and not far away from several highly-populated French cities, not to mention Gamone (current human population of 1).

To me, it's totally incredible that the presence of these giant creatures should have gone unnoticed all this time, up until this week.

Surely, in a God-fearing territory such as Switzerland, capable of trapping the dangerous predator Polanski, there were alert citizens who would have detected the presence of these terrible reptiles. In the pure Alpine air, I would imagine that, when an animal of that size farts, the pestilential smell would be noticeable within a vast perimeter... not to mention the accompanying blast of hot air, the trembling ground, and the thunderous blood-curdling boom. So, why weren't the police and army informed, much earlier on, along with local hunters (generally armed with crossbows, like the courageous William Tell)? And what have the Creationists been doing, all this time? In normal circumstances, they're pretty good on dinosaur stuff. In the case of the present findings, though, it looks as if the local Creationists have been sitting around lazily on their pious asses, oblivious of the dangers, or maybe deliberately ignoring them while they reread Genesis for the umpteenth time?


  1. Looks like one of Joe Hockey's Julius Marlowes to me.

  2. Really, does that time-honored brand of Aussie shoes still exist? Amazing, at a time when there are fewer and fewer oldtimers like myself who've actually had the privilege of going to Gowings in their youth. When I was an adolescent, I recall that Julius Marlow shoes put the wearer on a firm footing... and broad, too, because the sole was a good centimeter wider than the actual shoe, all the way around. I never had the privilege of owning such footwear (I was more into soft Italian products, which cost me a fortune), but I guess that parading in a pair of Julius Marlow shoes must have been a bit like wearing snowshoes while walking down the street.

    Concerning the gentleman you named, I've often been intrigued by the observation that big feet seem to go hand in hand (no, that metaphor's not quite right) with a big mouth.

    Talking of celebrated Australian footwear, my most startling disappointment, a couple of decades ago, was finding a middle-aged pair of R M Williams boots give up the ghost while strolling through Jerusalem. The hot stony streets were just too much for them, and the sole of each holey boot chose that sacred place to free itself from its earthly attachments.

  3. They are still around (although they certainly won't be made in Australia.